So tonight ABC broke out another retread of an old show, The Superstars. The premise is that they bring 8 celebrities and 8 athletes to the Bahamas and pair them up in teams of two. One celebrity and one athlete per team. Then they make them compete is crazy events. Obviously I was going to watch.
The teams are, Terrell Owens & supermodel Joanna Krupa; major league dick head Jeff Kent & ex-Doritos spokes girl Ali Landry; Big Shot Bob Horry & Estella Warren who you might remember from Planet of the Apes and then from nothing else after that; Profession Alcoholic skier Bode Miller & Paige Hemmis who I think is from one of the Extreme Makeover shows; token hot x-games skier Kristi Leskinen & and the dude Maks from dancing with the stars; Lisa Leslie & Dan Cortese from MTV Sports fame (Eric Nies wasn't available?); Jennifer Capriati & David Charvet who was like the fourth lead on Baywatch's last season; and finally Brandi Chastain and Julio Iglesias Jr.
I don't even know where to being. But let's start with the fact that i'm 40 mins into the show and I just had to google Dan Cortese (pronounced Cor-tess-see) to see if he's a different guy then Dan Cortese (pronounced Cor-tez). When did this dumb ass change the way people say his name? Is that so he can leave the shame of MTV sports behind and embark on his new respectable career on the superstars?
Second, I'd like to take a vote on which team has the least athletic athlete and the least famous celebrity. Personally, I think its team Capriati/Charvet and I don't even think second place is close.
So far Brandi Chastain has not worn her "superstars jersey" yet, she has done everything in her sports bra. I know that's pretty much the only thing she is famous for, but she is really beating a dead horse at this point.
After the first race Bode Miller said he was so exhausted that he had to throw up in the bushes. I would bet a years salary that vomit was as much alcohol induced as it was from the heat. He was out getting drunk the night before the Olympics which he trained his whole life for, is there any chance he didn't get hammered in the Bahama's the night before the taping of Superstars?
In one of the greatest tv moments i've ever seen the first heat of the obstacle course pits team Capriati/Charvet against TO and his "supermodel". The men run the course first and as soon as they cross the finish the women start. TO proceeds to get his foot tangled in the cargo net for a good minute at least giving Capriati a huge head start over TO's random model partner. She almost catches up due entirely to Capriati's lack of athleticism but loses by a few seconds. At which point she begins to berate TO who tries to give her a high five and say "good job". Some of the quotes that come out of bitchy super model's mouth include, "Unbelievable", "I don't want a teammate like that, he calls himself an athlete?", "What does he get a million dollars for", and finally after he says "let's go" to her, she replies, "no let's go!! you're the one who fucked up, we could have won." She said all this right to TO's face. Then in a huge upset TO and the superbitch lose in the elimination round of the obstacle course to Cortese and Leslie. Afterwards the insanity of the supermodel takes over and she refuses to shake any one's hand or be interviewed, and as she and TO walk away, she undresses him again asking him why he is so cocky since he pretty much sucks. Finally, TO gives his only return shot of the night saying, "I feel bad for your boyfriend". I guess now he knows what it's like to have an unsupportive teammate who only cares about themselves.
Hot but evil....Joanna Krupa...
So that was the first episode. In my standard judgement for how good a show is, I fired off about ten texts during the show to buddies so that confirms that I was very entertained. The question is will they be able to keep people interested now that bitchy supermodel who no one has heard of and TO are gone? But there are about 5 really hot girls, tons of cheesey people who take themselves way too seriously, one very awkward WNBA player and by my count three sets of frosted tips. Those are all the ingredients I need to be back next week for more. Too bad TO will not be there with me.
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